Feed Stores don’t just sell feed

The story below I shared with my teams that work daily with feed stores, coops, and dealers.

Personal random story time. It was my first ever 4-H Auction so I was either 7- or 8-years-old (those of you club leaders can correct me on what age that was). My family showed poultry, not very successfully, but we showed. My sister was going to sell a chicken, so my dad told me to sell a turkey. I thought he was crazy. My turkey was fine in its show pen in the county fair poultry barn. That thing came up to my chest when he lifted his ugly head. Selling it in the auction would mean carrying a very heavy, stupid, and mean turkey in the sale ring and hope it didn’t kill me by the time bidding was over. There was not room for much debate with my dad so standing in the poultry barn we tried multiple times for me to hold it. It quickly became clear that the only way I was going to show off this thing was to tie a string around its neck and lead it. The turkey and I looked ridiculous. It was show time, I did my best to remember all my showman tricks; smile, make eye contact with the potential bidders, stand tall, don’t pass out.

Wearing my white button up shirt purchased a few days earlier from the local Goodwill I smiled my best missing teeth smile and led that mean turkey into the auction circle. I couldn’t focus on what the auctioneer was saying, I was just praying that someone bid on this animal so I could get out of there. Silence. More smiling, eye contact, slowing walking the stupid turkey (or really the turkey was walking me). Finally, an angel disguised as old guy held up his bidding card, then another bid came. Two of the feed stores in the county were bidding on my turkey. Keep in mind my family did not have anyone in the auction crowd that was there to bid our animals like some of the more prosperous ag families did. My mom and dad were not big customers. These feed stores/ coops/ dealers just come to support their local ag community.


Bidding was over, I didn’t pass out, and to my own surprise, I walked out of that ring with not just relief but also pride.  I fed and took care of these ugly beasts all year and someone wanted it.  It was one of the first times I can recall thinking that perhaps being in Ag doesn’t totally suck.  Maybe, just maybe, I don’t need to run away from Ag to make my future dreams happen.  

As we thank our customers for their business let’s remember they don’t just sell our feed. They are an important element in the fabric of American rural communities. They help those in production ag navigate solutions to random day to day issues that pop up from fencing to bedding to nutrition. They support the future of Ag in every FFA contest they coach, every donation and every bid they make. I have yet to visit a customer that doesn’t have their support of 4-H and FFA proudly shown on the walls behind the counter or another highly visible area. So let’s add a little added gusto on the next call when we say “Thank you for your order”.

A final Update in 2023

I hope this finds you having a wonderful holiday season. I have a number of updates. On Dec 26 I got prepped for Radiation, it’s a processes that involves having your arms above your head for almost an hour as the machine maps your body, completes a CT scan and then you get three tiny tattoos. It should be easy but after surgery in the arm pit it was painful to hold the arm in place but I got through it. The tattoos help ensure that each day you come in, radiation beams go in the right places. Since my breast cancer was on the left side I was asked to do a lot of breath holds. The heart is on that side of the body so they try to avoid the beams of radiation negatively impacting the heart. I’m now ready for a month of daily radiation starting with Jan 9, final walk through and Jan 10 as day one.

Also on Dec 26 I had an MRI done on my left hip. When the worst of the AS flare started to improve there was a sharp pain in my left hip that was not improving. The MRI showed that a tendon that connects to hip joint is torn. Another sign my AS progressing. But in the big picture it was good news as there is no cancer in my bones. Bummer news is since there is no cure for AS this crap will continue to happen. I have an orthopedic appointment in a few weeks to see if I need to do anything special with the hip or if it’ll heal well on its own.

Some real positive news, the Oncologist doesn’t think I’ll need my port anymore! On Jan 3, I have a quick out patient surgery to have it removed. The doctor has not yet said I’m in remission but I’m hopeful to hear that news soon.

The most annoying update I have to share is that I developed a new symptom as on Dec 23. I have balance issues and dizziness when I change positions. Think standing up, sitting down, rolling over in bed, that type of thing. It’s really annoying. The cause could be from multiple sources. The most likely sources: 1) my ears, since I had hearing loss due to chemo, my inner ear may be acting up. I had an ENT appointment yesterday that showed my hearing loss is the same as it was two months ago but there is a little fluid in one ear. It’s possible that’s the source but an MRI would tell us for sure. 2) it also could be another impact of AS progressing. I have chronic dull pain at the back of my skull, something I’ve had for years but it’s possible that my spine in that area is impacting balance. The part of the brain that controls balance is near the base of the skull. An MRI would help determine this. 3) most unlikely but still something that needs to be ruled out is cancer. Breast cancer can spread to the brain. But this is unlikely as my surgery showed that all cancer in the lymph nodes where dead so likely the chemo killed any other stray cells or at least that’s the theory. So that’s a long way of saying I have a brain MRI in my future.

My heart goes out to all chronic pain sufferers out there regardless of its source. No fun. I had about a week where I really thought the biologic injections where starting to work but I’m still struggling with spine, joint and newly balance issues. I get to take another injection on Jan 1 so crossing fingers that month 3 is the magical number where it starts to work again. There was a time that those with incurable diseases would be able to leverage opioids for temporary relief but that’s not real common now. Due to the focus on the opioid epidemic and reducing risks of accidental deaths and dependence doctors avoid providing to patients. Which, of course, is understandable however this cancer journey has been eye opening to me. They are given fairly openly to chemo patients and my personal opinion on this is because cancer will either kill you or goes in remission so it a temporary type scenario. Incurable diseases with chronic pain are just that, not likely to kill you or improve. More people die in the US from suicide due to chronic pain that accidental overdose. It’s a sensitive subject in the world of medicine but one I think both sides should be openly discussed.

Thanks for letting me shared my uneducated but personal experience on the topic. I feel super blessed to live in a time when biologic medicine exists, these injections have the hope of reducing pain and damage to the body for long periods (without opioids) and biologics have not always existed. A true qualify of life saver for many autoimmune diseases. I feel lucky that I just need to deal the gaps between when one biologic fails to work and months before a new one starts to work.

Another update is that I start the journey of medicines to reduce the chance of cancer coming back. They start me on the medicine for younger women (tamoxifen) but since I’m high risk after I adjust (nausea and other symptoms need to be tolerated) then I’ll be given weekly injections to shut down my ovaries. After a month or so of those injections I’ll start the transition to the medicine for post menopause women. Most recent studies have shown this reduces reoccurrence rate better than just staying on tamoxifen.

Long down the road I’ll go on the chemo pill for two years. She said my body would not handle doing all this at once. I’m grateful for the staged approach.

I’m not thrilled with starting tamoxifen at the same time as radiation and usually my oncologist waits until after radiation but she’d like me to try to do both at the same time due to my younger age and high chance for reoccurrence. I’m game to do anything that will keep cancer away so I’ll start as soon as I heal from port surgery. Crossing fingers my body handles well, considering the high inflammation in my body due to AS not well controlled at the moment.

Final update is I officially have a reconstruction surgery date! On July 31, 2024 I’ll have the DEIP flap surgery done which I look forward to.

All in all, I’m so happy that it appears chemo worked and I see the active treatment portion coming to a close. I have faith that the biologic will start to work soon so I get a break. I want some pain free days soon. Here’s to a much healthier and less drama filled 2024!

Thank you so much for your love and support in 2023. Words can’t describe how grateful I am.

2023 is coming to an end, bring it on

I’m not sad to see 2023 coming to a close, yes, that’s an understatement. What a challenge 2023 has been. It started out amazing, my AS disease was well under control and enjoyed the end of January with an amazing vacation in Hawaii. A dream vacation really. It was certainly the highlight of the year. Then in mid April Nick and I slipped away to Vegas for a long weekend. It was there that I told Nick that I found a mass that I was going to get check out when we got home. The weekend was a kid free blast but I recall telling him as we were waiting for our Uber to take us back to the airport that I think I’m going to hear bad news tomorrow. I felt it.

These health situations are traumatic on families and friends as they can tear us apart or bring us closer. I’ve been so blessed that this shit show has brought us closer together. My boys now knows how to fold laundry and run the dishwasher. The hubby still calls the washing machine the laundry machine but it’s amazing progress that he’s stepped foot in that room. The kids are more independent and now step in to do tasks they see needing to be done without being asked. They do their homework, brush their teeth, and shower without debate. They’ve maintained good grades without helicopter mom on their case. And Nick has been just a rock star- three surgeries this year, two of them involving drains and charting gross fluid. That crap wasn’t in the marriage deal but man did he step up to help.

I’m thrilled to share that I’m finally feeling more normal. All short term chemotherapy side effects are gone. And I’m learning to live with the long term effects without them impacting my mental health. The ringing in my ears is my new white noise machine. Fancy. And fingers being slightly numb helps me limit screen time on silly phone games. I’ve started to teach myself how to draw. A fun random hobby.

Once chemotherapy ended, the next challenge was AS coming back full steam. All my joints and spine hurt like they filled with silly putty mixed with sand. I’m now two doses into my AS injections and they are starting to work. Which is right on the schedule the Rheumatologist said they’d start to work. A long few months! I’m still stiff but not really painful most of the time. Score.

Today I was scheduled to have the set up CT scan to prep for Radiation to start. However the plan fell through as the surgery is limiting the movement of the left arm enough that I can’t yet get that arm above my head. It’s only been three weeks and the doctor said it’s normal, I just need more healing time for those muscles. I go back the day after Christmas to try again. Then hopefully start daily radiation the following week. With any luck I’ll finish by the end of January.

Once radiation is over I will need to start the medicines that will hopefully keep the cancer away. I’m crossing fingers that my body handles them well enough so it’s not impacting my day to day life. I’ve meet people that have had fairly smooth sailing and others that really struggle. But that is a problem to face a few months from now. Today my cancer journey is going well and I’m grateful.

I just wish no one had to go through this. I lost my Aunt to breast cancer a few weeks ago and another person close to me was just diagnosed with a different form of cancer. It’s heart breaking to watch people you really care about struggle. The rates of cancer is rising with no clear answer as to why.

In the end it makes today just that much more valuable. Today is a beautiful gift.

God’s richest blessings to you this holiday season. Merry Christmas!

BUILDING UP EACH OTHER Val Velde, RLC Council President

“Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing.”–

1 Thessalonians 5:11

Building each other up and supporting one another is what we are called to do. I see this in action at Roseville Lutheran Church. I’ve seen the power of our community through the work of the Reconciling In Christ team that continues to focus on how to make our community be as welcoming as possible to all. I’ve seen our community come togetherat Octoberfest in a communitywide fun event. We are a busy place filled with love. I’ve witnessed your encouragement of my family as we navigate advanced breast cancer. I have previously shared with you all the very real ways RLC has shown up for me in my time of need from meals, rides, gifts, and words of encouragement.Now, let’s talk about the power of prayer. When I hear that the RLC men’s group has prayed for me, and other members included me in their prayers it moves me. Prayer is just as real as those meals and rides and so very appreciated. The power of prayer is found in so many parts of the bible:

  • James 5:16-18: The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective. Elijah prayed for drought and rain, and God answered him.
  • Philippians 4:6-7: Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
  • Psalm 107:28-30: Then they cried out to the Lord in their trouble, and he brought them out of their distress. He stilled the storm to a whisper; the waves of the sea were hushed. They were glad when it grew calm, and he guided them to their desired haven.
  • John 14:13-14: And I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Father may be glorified in the Son. You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it.
  • THE POWER OF PRAYER
    As Christmas season is upon us let’s be reminded of the power of prayer. Pray for our family members, friends, neighbors, church, communities, and world. Prayer brings us closer to God and focuses our minds on those elements of our lives that truly matter. This season I’m grateful to be done with Chemotherapy. Each day I feel more and more myself and feel so blessed.
    I’m ready for surgery, radiation, and
    other steps that I need to take to
    beat cancer. I pray for my doctors,
    the researchers, and the scientists’
    making advancements that will
    help millions. I pray for you, our
    members of RLC. “God is our refuge
    and strength, a very present help in
    trouble.” Psalm 46:1 If you are going
    through challenging times, pray, but
    also please reach out and ask your
    community for help. I did and RLC
    answered.

    Val Velde, RLC Council President

Church Newsletter

Happy Thanksgiving!

Today is a day to be grateful! And I have a lot to be grateful for, last night I got the lab results from Monday’s lymph node surgery and there is no active cancer found!

LEFT AXILLARY LYMPH NODES, DISSECTION:

  1. Negative for metastatic malignancy in lymph nodes
  2. Treatment effect is present within one lymph node

So basically this means one lymph node found with dead cancer. Yippee, the chemo worked! And no cancer in the other lymph nodes.

Have a wonderful Thanksgiving!

Lymph Node Surgery

One step closer to beating cancer!

Yesterday I add Axillary Lymph Node Surgery. They removed all lymph nodes from the left arm pit area. Some of them are under the shoulder blade as well as under the pec muscle in the outer chest area so healing can take time. This week my goal is rest and keeping ahead of the pain. Nick has been amazing; I’m blessed to have him helping me.

They inserted a drain to allow fluid to drain so every six hours or so he helps me measure, track and empty the drain. They said I may have the drain for 3-4 weeks but maybe less.

I’m eager to see the lab results. That should help indicate how well chemotherapy worked. How much, if any, cancer did they find? What is living cancer or dead? Praying for good results!

Once it’s more healed I’ll need to to exercises to regain movement in the shoulder. Some people experience life long limited range of motion from that arm so I’ll do my best to start those exercises when I get the green light.

I won’t know if I’ll develop lymphedema and to what extent for some time. I need to buck up and wear the sleeve as soon as they tell me to. I’ve been measured and have them on hand.

After this surgery I’m officially down to three steps left: Radiation, pill medicines (chemo pill, etc), and reconstruction. My body gets four weeks of healing before daily radiation starts. However in two weeks I start a few appointments to get all measured and tested for radiation.

My goal is to feel well enough to start back at work part time starting in two weeks. This Thanksgiving feels different than most but I’m grateful for so much, flexible and loving family is at the top of the list.

Happy Thanksgiving 🦃🍁

Getting Ready for Surgery

I’m almost a month out from the last chemo session and many of the challenging symptoms are improving or gone. Nausea and digestive issues are way better. My hair is starting to grow back. My skin is way better now that I’m not having weekly steroids. Even the numbness in my hands and feet have improved. Having stopped chemo three sessions short due to my ears being impacted likely reduced the long term issues with neuropathy so a blessing in disguise. The ringing in my ears is the same, but not worse. I’ll have a follow up hearing test in late December to monitor.

In the last few months I’ve noticed my vision was blurry. Last Wednesday I have my eyes checked. My prescription has changed a great deal since August, when it was checked last. There is a chance that it’s due to chemo and may improve on its own in the next few months. So I’m just dealing with it and not going to get new glasses.

All in all the ringing and vision issues are quite manageable. However I’m really struggling with the Ankylosis Spondylitis (AS) flare, I’d forgotten how bad this disease can be without a working biologic in your system. In a month or two the biologic should start working so there is an end in site.

On Monday I have lymph node surgery. They will attempt to remove all lymph nodes in the left arm pit area. I was sure hoping to feel healthier than I currently do before surgery but it’ll be ok.

I feel the end is in sight and the worst is over so eye on the prize. I’m eager to see the results from the biopsy after surgery. That will tell me how far the cancer spread and if any appears to still be alive. Let’s hope for dead cancer only!

All the best to you and yours!

Life is Good, but Right Now it’s Hard

November 3, 2023

I’m realizing just how long this cancer journey may be so as a result I’m switching my venue for updating my family and friends away from Caring Bridge over to a Blog that I can manage on a longer term basis. There may be a time when I want to reflect on these days (likely not too soon). I hope this is just as easy for you to click on to get the latest. I hope you are able to drop me a message, they continue to mean the world to me.

Yesterday I met with my awesome Oncologist. The final decision was made to stop Chemo treatment. I successfully finished 13 out a planned 16 treatments. I shared with her that I felt like I failed at the goal. She reminded me that that they are throwing the whole “kitchen sink” at me and that 13 is a solid number completed. I’m taking a few days to digest the news and by Sunday I’ll be ready to celebrate with a few college friends to ring that bell 🔔! I’m really looking forward to that.

Back when I started Chemo I was told to stop the biologic shot that keeps my autoimmune disease in control. I was nervous about that as I know what happens to my spine and joints when AS goes unmanaged. It’s been a non-issue for most of the chemo months but now that I’ve been off chemo drugs for over a week I’m suffering from a flare. Ouch 😣. However yesterday I was able to go to my Rheumatologist office and get my blood drawn for the routine tests they need and take my first shot of Tulz (type of biologic). It will take at least a month or two before I see the benefits but the stars aligned to get moving on the same day as the final chemo stop decision was made. I’m grateful to my friend that spent the morning with with me going to two different doctors offices and the pharmacy.

Today I meet with the surgeon to firm up the planning on lymph node surgery and it sounds like I’ll have the surgery a couple days before Thanksgiving. It’s not ideal from a family holiday planning perspective however I know it’s important to keep the process moving. We can’t have the gap between ending chemo and starting radiation be too large. We can’t give that stupid cancer a chance to grow.

Next week I’ll go in for a pre-op appointment with my general doctor to clear me for surgery.

If I were honest ending chemo and upcoming surgery isn’t the top item on my mind. I learned yesterday what specific drug plan the Oncologist wants me to do after radiation. She said it’s the most aggressive plan Breast Cancer patients can be on. It’s usually reserved for stage 4 patients but recent studies (and FDA has approved) have show than for Stage 3 aggressive and high risk patients this process can reduce reoccurrence rates. So what is it? The first two I was not surprised about it’s an Aromatase Inhibitor that prevents the body from producing Estrogen (as my cancer fuels off estrogen) and a second pill 💊 called goseriln that suppresses ovulation. These two combined ensures I go into menopause in a quick hurry and stay there. At my age I will quickly go back to normal cycles after chemo if we don’t stop it. There certainly are side effects but manageable while maintaining a fairly normal daily life. This part is real common for breast cancer patients. I’ll be on this combo for 5- 10 years.

The one I was surprised to learn about is Abemacilib which is chemo in a pill – for two years! This drug is supposed to be powerful at reducing reoccurrence rates in women with advanced breast cancer that is estrogen positive and HER- which is all matching my scenario. It has powerful side effects but living is the main goal so I’m going to follow her advice. I spent a few hours last night reading about the Monarch E studies and the results are strong. Even though I’m confident in the Oncologist and this is likely the best course of action known to medicine today I’m still scared. The idea of being on a chemo pill for two years is daunting. One day at a time right?

The good news is that this chemo drug is supposed to be more targeted, meaning it does a better job of not killing lots of different healthily cells. I should not loose my hair again (once it comes back) and the other symptoms should not be quite so intense. But I still will likely have digestive issues like diarrhea, fatigue, low white blood count, stomach pains, nausea and there are other less common problems. It doesn’t sound like a party.

It will all be ok but I indeed needed to again remind myself to just focus on the step immediately in front me. Heal from Chemotherapy. Manage AS symptoms. Prep for surgery. All else can wait.

It’s so healing to write out my thoughts and concerns and even more helpful to know you are supportive on this journey. God is good, I feel his love through you.

“Hearing” Challenging News

October 31, 2023

Happy 🎃 Halloween!
Today I had a couple hearing tests done and met with the audiologist. My fears were confirmed, the chemotherapy medicine caused damage to my inner ears that is unlikely to improve. It was disappointing news to hear (pun intended). The ringing may not ever go away but sometimes the brain maps differently over time to ignore it more. I’ll go back to the ENT doctor in two months to monitor.

On Thursday, I have my next Oncologist appointment. Most likely the decision will be to skip the last three chemo treatments. The risk of further damaging my ears, hands and feet out weigh the benefits since I’ve completed 13 sessions. I’ll know for sure then but likely we’ll move straight to lymph node surgery in 2-3 weeks. They need to give four weeks from the last session to give my body time to recover enough before having my body go through the stress of surgery. I meet with the surgeon on Friday morning to firm up a plan. After surgery, I’ll heal for about four weeks then start daily radiation for three weeks.  

I should be real excited to likely being done with chemo but it’s with mixed feelings. I am happy to give my body a break. It’s been a hard five months and the month before that was healing from the mastectomy. In all reality – the hardest is over! 

I’m just bummed to hear about the ear damage. However I’m already getting kind of used to the finger tips and toes being numb, and that aspect has not gotten any worse so I think I’ll adjust to the ear issue in time too.  I think I was mentally prepared for all the physical scars I’ll have at the end of this from my chest to arm pit as well as stomach but I wasn’t prepared for the other stuff so I’m still adjusting. But it’ll all be ok, as of now the hearing loss is not bad enough to require hearing ads. 

With any luck I’ll be able to share the news of ringing that bell 🔔 come the end of the week once I know for sure. I appreciate all of you coming on this journey with me. There are ups and downs and I feel many more up days coming my way soon.

Trunk or Treat at the Church I’m so proud to be the current Council President. What an amazing community!