My Journey

June 28, 2023

I’ve had a crazy couple of days.  After doing so well managing chemotherapy symptoms religiously it turns out that I started taking constipation avoiding drugs too late. After day 5 of no movement I developed severe abdominal pain and was told to go to the ER.  The ER put me on IV laxatives and did a CT scan of my guts. That scan showed that I was indeed full of shit (my brother would say ‘what’s new’). 

That CT scan happened to capture a limited part of my heart.  The detail oriented radiologist not only noted all the gut concerns but spotted two blood clots that are in my heart near the newly implanted port. That, of course, raised red flags. They were going through the process of admissions to move me out of ER to help me with both problems. At this point I was in so much pain in my guts that I did not have mental capabilities to be concerned about the heart.  Luckily, the medicines kicked in and systems were a go! I will never underestimate the value of poop again!  Oh wow, just trust me on this one. 

Now with the urgent issue dramatically improving with each round to the bathroom (and there were many) I could switch attention to the blood clots.   I then started to realize the seriousness of the situation. I had sent Nick home over an hour before to watch kids. I was alone in the ER and watching the buzzing around me.  They admitted me to a back corner room with rules posted outside the door. Door must stay closed. Hand sanitizer before and after entry. Only critical entry to the room.  Masks required. Etc. They explained that my labs showed extremely low white blood count levels and other elements of my labs were off. Here I thought I just really needed to poop. 

The hospital called an echocardiogram technician to come into the hospital at 11 pm (she was in bed sleeping) to look at my heart.   Because the heart is on the left side and my mastectomy was on the left side they struggled to get good pictures due to scar tissue.  They sent what results they got let me rest.  I spent more time on the toilet than in bed but that was fine by me- way better than the pain I was in before.  

Morning came and in a dazed fog I listened to the heart doctor tell me about the concerns, risks, and next steps.  At the end he said, it’s really good that you got constipated. At that moment, I’m not sure I agreed.  So yesterday I had a camera pushed down my throat to look at my heart, another CT but this time of all my heart (and no guts), two IVs going with fluids, laxatives, blood thinners, and some other stuff. I lost track. Finally getting home at 10 pm last night. A big thank you to my friend that sat with me the last few hours, picked up my medicine and took me home so Nick could watch kids and do a work call with China co-workers.

Today, I’m feeling great and can better appreciate what the doctor was explaining.  I now will be on blood thinners that may partially or completely dissolve these fairly large two clots. Had I not come in, I would have gone through the cancer journey unaware.  So mastectomy, 5 months of chemo, 30 or so rounds of radiation, reconstruction surgery then have the happy day of taking the port out. A sign that the journey is closing and you are into remission land. But those clots would have been disturbed, traveled to my lungs and likely killed me as I rested at home after this routine out patient procedure. Sounds dramatic but that’s why they were so fast and careful with me. They needed to see if these puppies were moving.  They will scan and watch me carefully now.  We know the clots were not present before the port was placed. 

God is good and can perform miracles in unexpected ways, so yes, a poop may have saved my life.

June 20, 2023

My first chemotherapy session is in the books. All went smoothly. I felt odd when we left (wonder why) but otherwise good.   It’s now been a few hours and feel more off but over all mild nausea.  Something tells me this may be the storm building up.  

It feels good to close the chapter on surgery and open the chemo section. Time to rest.

Update June 25, 2023

Y’all are not fooling… chemo sucks. Between the chemo drugs and drugs to co-act those drugs. Yikes. However overall symptoms are starting to improve today. Next session is July 3. Enough about crappy cancer (speaking of which I can’t do that either).

June 15, 2023

I’m feeling ready to start chemotherapy on Tuesday. This week I’ve ordered a wig (arrives today), completed chemo training, picked up more prescriptions than I ever thought possible, paid off medical bills to date and thus officially maxed out my out of pocket medical for the year. I’ve grateful for having excellent insurance and my heart aches for those that don’t.
Yesterday I had my first ever echocardiogram which showed a healthy heart ready for what coming. It was uncomfortable to lay on my mastectomy side for 40 minutes and I ended up needing an IV for contrast dye due to scar tissue getting in the way of good pictures but I got through it and results were great. With my family’s history of heart disease this was a side benefit of getting cancer, I now know my heart is good.
This afternoon I go to a physical therapist to teach me exercises to get my arm impacted by the mastectomy to move the way it used to. Apparently limited mobility after lymph node removal is very common and certain exercises can have a long term improvement.
Tomorrow morning I have my last doctor appointment of the week and will enjoy lunch with a couple friends.
I’m ready for this next step and grateful, so grateful, for all the amazing support!

June 6, 2023

Nick and I learned a LOT this morning. I’m feeling a combination of relief of having a firm journey map and nervousness of how Chemo may treat me. Here’s what I know, first the great news, no cancer found in my bones, liver or any other organ! Sweet, that means the cancer is stage 3 and NOT stage 4. Praise God!

I have a path to cure but it’ll be a long one. This Friday I have a little surgery to put a Port in my chest (common for cancer patients as it makes access easier and safer on veins). Next week I have “chemo training” and a heart test to make sure my heart is ready for what’s coming (routine and I have no concerns about this).
Chemo starts the next week, week of June 19. There will be 2 stages of chemo. Stage 1: Because of large size of the mass and how quickly it grew and spread to the lymph nodes they are putting me on the strongest combination of chemo drugs given to breast cancer patients. Lucky me. That we be every 2 weeks, 4 sessions, for a total of 8 weeks. They are warning me now that those weeks will be hard. I will be sick. I will lose my hair. I will sleep a lot. I will have IV fluids. Yikes. Stage 2: will be 1 chemo drug given every week for 12 weeks. My understanding is that this one has less side effects.

After both chemo stages are done, I’ll have surgery on my lymph nodes. Once I’m healed from that (4 weeks) I’ll do radiation. I don’t know yet the intensity or length of radiation yet as that may depend on what they find during surgery.

After radiation I’ll start a series of 3 hormone type treatments. (What I did not know at this stage was that I’d be put on 2 years of a chemo pill, more to come).

Six months after healing from radiation I’ll have reconstructive surgery. It sounds like an 8-12 month journey. I have a 75% chance of curing the cancer. I got this!

Port Surgery

June 9, 2023

Today’s big task was to get the port placed in my chest. Nick and I just got home and it went really smoothly.  It looks ugly as all heck but it will heal quickly and then make chemo, blood tests, scans and all else coming down the road easier.  I look forward to resting this afternoon. 

My first chemotherapy appointment is June 20 at 2 pm. So this next week is prep.  Healing from procedure, wig fitting, chemo training class, an EKG, cancer support group orientation and a doctor appointment that connects all treatments and services.  Next week should be pretty easy smooth sailing. 

One other big decision was made, based on the recommendation from my Oncologist I’m going to be on leave from work during the intense chemo stage.  Knowing that for the next few months I just need to focus on my treatments, appointments and my family is a relief and blessing. A big thank you to my co-workers for picking up the pieces and covering! 

Thanks for reading my little update. Time for rest. 🙂

May 27, 2023

Just a little update, surgery on Wednesday went smoothly and they sent me home within a few hours after the mastectomy. I’ve been struggling a bit with pain management but Nick has been an amazing nurse. I’m so grateful for him. I have not gotten the lab results back yet but I may get them today.
I thank you again for the continued prayers. I feel them. I think one of the hardest aspects is that life moves on without you when you’re sick. I missed James’s band concert last night. I’ve never missed a concert of his. The evening before was his final track meet of the year where he got his personal best time of the year. Next week is Victoria’s 7th birthday and I don’t have the health right now to throw her a party like I normally would. The kids are totally understanding but the momma guilt is still present. I suppose my full time job right now is to get better so I don’t miss more. Hugs!

The Test Results are in- Yikes- surgeon said “get that cape tied tightly, you’ll need it

The surgery healing process is marching on as it should. No complications. May 25, I go back to the surgeon’s office to get the drain removed. I’m looking forward to that, only 4 more days of the annoying drain.

The bigger update is that I did get the full lab results back. The entire mass they were seeing on imaging was cancer so about 8.4 CM tumor. They also tested four lymph nodes to check if any cancer left the breast. All four lymph nodes came back cancer positive with an additional cancerous tumor found near one lymph nodes. They will get me in soon, hopefully this week, for a PET scan to see if cancer has spread any where else besides lymph nodes. This means that I will for sure have chemo and radiation. I meet with the oncologist on June 6 so the hope is that the scan results are back before, so we have all the facts before aligning on a plan. None of this was the results I was hoping for, but it’ll all be ok.

The good news is that my cancer is estrogen receptive that means not only is surgery, chemo, and radiation options but also targeted drugs. More options is always a good thing.
I likely won’t have another update until after the June 6 appointment. Thanks again for all your support! I’m blessed to have you in my circle!

Am I Stage 3 or Stage 4…

Three days and 12 hours until bone scans and CT scans… not that I’m counting.  As a general rule of thumb I’m not a worrying type person. I’m a type A (ok borderline control freak) type person but not a worry prone individual. I either can control the outcome of a situation (thus buckle down and make it happen) or I have no control so why stress. But I find this situation a little different. 
I’ve learned in recent weeks that Invasive Ductal Cancer (most common type of breast cancer) when it spreads tends to spread most commonly to the spine and bones.   The symptoms that manifest when this spread occurs tends to be back pain that doesn’t improve with rest. Well, some of you may know that I’ve been told for a few years now that I have Ankylosising Spondylitis (an autoimmune disease impacting the spine and joints).  The symptoms I experience- back and neck pain that tends to be worst after rest.  I’ve also had my neck fused at C3/C4. But No injury, just emergency surgery about 10 years ago. Seemed very random at the time to the doctors but getting an AS diagnosis a few years later made me think they were connected. 
There’s this yucky sinking feeling, especially since I learned last week that I have cancer masses on my lymph nodes- what if, just what if, I have cancer on my spine.  Of course I want to be wrong! So wrong! But I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that I’m legit ready to get these tests and know the answers.
And the stakes could not be higher for me. If my spine has cancer it’s a stage 4 situation. There is not a stage 5. I’ll still kick cancers ass but man what a nasty road to go down. So yes, I’m praying for no cancer where beyond what’s already been found. As it standing now: we are talking mastectomy (done), chemotherapy, radiation, lymph node surgery, hormone drugs for 5-10 years and reconstruction. That’s enough please.  I don’t what to even have to talk end of life scenarios.  Heck no. 

But I’m going to try hard to enjoy this beautiful MN Spring weather, my amazing kids and hubby in this moment and tackle what we learn next week head on whatever that may be. I want to thank you for all the prayers, well wishes, cards and love I’ve felt. God’s grace is felt from your kindness. I feel wholly unworthy of the support and compassion however I’m grateful and embracing it. I can stand on your shoulders knowing I’m not alone in this. We all have journeys with ups and downs. Supporting during the downs and celebrating the wins of each other is what life, love, and fellowship is all about.